Thursday, August 10, 2006

Midnight News -- 8/11/06

Tonight's edition is from the road, in an undisclosed and slightly seedy location -- I have got to find a job where they budget a little more on travel.

Remember a few days ago when everybody was saying the security council would impose a cease fire on Hezbollah and Israel? Well, not so much. The Russians will ask that the security council demand 72-hour cease fire, since they believe the U.S. and France will not come to an agreement on the cease fire proposal. The U.S. and France are obliging Russia's opinion, as they argue over whether multinational forces sent to support the Lebanese army would have the right to use force to disarm Hassan Nasrallah's illegal, private army. Israel had delayed its ground offensive in the hopes that diplomacy would produce a realistic cease fire, although it should be noted that they don't really want a cease fire: they want the Lebanese army and the international community to take over the shooting required to disarm Hezbollah. Israel has, however, retaken the town that served as its headquarters when it previously occupied southern Lebanon, and has warned the citizens of Beirut to flee in advance of expanded bombing of that city.

One of the 11 missing Egyptian students was arrested at O'Hare Thursday morning. He was agitated and trying to board a flight with an invalid ticket, so a Delta ticket agent notified police. The positive speculation is that he was simply confused and lost. The negative speculation is that he got cold feet and abandoned his sleeper cell.

Ned Lamont kicks off his campaign as Connecticut's Democratic candidate for the Senate by insulting a town for failing to vote for him.

Fidel Castro and Hugo Chavez are passing love letters in school. They're the creepy kids sitting in the back of history class who, instead of paying attention, like to draw pictures of torture chambers and nuclear bombs going off.

A lobster capable of stealing swimmers wallets has been apprehended in Australia. If convicted, the lobster will be boiled alive, slathered in melted butter, and will have its claws, head, and tail posted at the four corners of the kingdom to discourage other crustaceans.

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